tv The Daily Show Comedy Central April 14, 2016 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. i'm trevor noah. thank you so much. my guest tonight is from cnn's new show "united shades of america," w. kamau bell is joining us, people! ( cheers and applause ) but first, but first, we have to talk about last night. so many records set. obviously, steph curry leading the warriors to 73 wins. that was insane. well done, golden state.
that was amazing. ( applause ) but, of course, for me, especially, the bigger news was the old man putting up crazy numbers. yeah, it's true, bernie sanders got 27,000 people in washington square park last night. ( applause ) no, but, seriously, but seriously, congrats to the momba. i don't know if you watched the game but kobe was amazing, 60 points. he took more shots than a chicago cop with no body cam. don't boo kobe, he's done. let's get into the show. so, democracy. it's what separates us from the apes and the russians. ( laughter ) the point is, from an early age, we're taught that democratic means one person, one vote, and the most votes wins. like, back when i ran for class president as a kid. the teacher said, "hands up, if you want trevor to be president." okay, now hands up if you want julia to be president." and she counted the votes and whoever got the most votes won.
in this case it was julia. whatever. i'm happy for her. i thought my pita friday was a good idea but apparently everybody in class was more interested in the aids preparation program. yeah, congrats, julia. when it comes to america's presidential primaries there's a quirk in the democracy process and it's a quirk everyone has been talking about. >> it's all about the delegates, all about that math. >> hillary clinton and bernie sanders vying for delegates. >> a delegate death match on the republican side. >> trevor: yeah, delegate death match! that was my favorite jean claude van damme movie. it turns out the only vote that matters when nominating a party candidate is the vote at the party convention. and the only people who can vote at the convention are the delegates. but how the delegates get picked for this task is anything but straightforward. >> in california, most of the state's delegates are awarded by congressional districts. >> georgia specifically, 76 delegates at stake here. they're allocated proportionally. >> new jersey is winner take
all. >> let's go to north dakota now. voters there didn't go to the polls and vote for candidates or delegates. state party got together instead earlier this month and decided on the delegates. >> colorado does not have a primary or a caucus. instead it holds a convention to choose its delegates. >> every state is different. welcome to the game of running for the presidency. >> trevor: yeah, the game of running for the presidency. it was actually the original idea for "game of thrones." yeah, but, hbo was like these characters are too crazy and no one wants to see their poobs so we're going go with the dragons. the rules for how candidates get delegates can be complicated. for instance, take louisiana, the state whose official bird is a pelican being being eaten by an alligator. in the primary in march, trump got slightly more votes than cruz, but because they were so close, the state party awarded them the same number of delegates. but louisiana also has five extra republican delegates who aren't bound by the primary results. so those delegates now seem ready to vote for ted cruz.
so a similar number of votes, but now cruz has 23 delegates and trump only has 18. and not only that, remember marco rubio? yeah, because he dropped out of the race, his five delegates are also going to vote under ted cruz. now, don't forget, all of those people vote forward marco rubio. they didn't vote for ted cruz, but through this delegate system, their votes ended up going to cruz. so despite winning the louisiana primary and having the same skin tone as louisiana gumbo-- ( laughter ) trump could actually end up with as many as 10 fewer delegates than ted cruz. so trump won but he lost. like, who's running the louisiana primary, steve harver? like, what's going on here? ( laughter ) ( applause ) and by the way, a topsy-turvy delegate system is one of the few things in america that's bipartisan because on the democrats' side, they have superdelegates. it's a group of people who have been bitten by radioactive
spiders and now vote for any candidate that they want. it's the most boring superpower ever. right after hawkeye, right after hawkeye. i'm sorry, because archery is not a superpower, people. you should be at the olympics. that is not a superpower. in wyoming, for example, for the democrats, bernie sanders beat hillary clinton by 12 points beneficiaryut because all of wyoming's superdelegates support clinton, she ended up with more delegates. so bernie won, but he also kind of lost. it's-- it's like playing monopoly against a child. you can spend the whole game methodically buying up property, but then, you come back from the bathroom, and the freaking kid just ate all of your hotels, and now you have to go to the hospital and explain why max has a property portfolio stuck in his ass, and why i'm playing monopoly against a four-year-old in the first place. now i have to explain all of this. and this is why you don't baby
sit strangers. so normally, now, normally, on this, no one gives a ( bleep ) about this normally, but pause this race is so tight this year everyone is acting like this: >> it's a system rigged against people that go to voting booths. >> it's disenfranchisement. it's not one person, one vote. >> rules are no good when you don't get democracy. the rules are no good when they don't count your vote. >> trevor: why does it sound like donald trump is singing a song. no, like, he has a rhythm to it. ♪ the rules are no good when you don't get democracy ♪ the rules are no good when they don't count your vote ♪ ( applause ) ( cheers ) but you know what? i get the frustration. america is the bastion of democracy. i mean, america is so democratic you won't even listen to singers unless people voted for them. so it makes sense that you would assume that the process for choosing presidential nominees
in america would be totally democratic, but in reality, the process is not democratic and nor is it supposed to be. >> in many ways, the two political parties, number one, are private institutions not public institutions. they create their own rules. they have rules to be a member of their club. they have rules to decide holeads their club. >> trevor: yes, exactly. remember, people, political parties are not government entities. they're private partys. and like any private party, it's not the crowd that makes the rules. it's the d.j. yeah, so you can be like, "hey, d.j., play the new kanye." and he could be like, "great suggestion. taylor swift coming up." ( laughter ) and you know what a lot of people on both sides are upset that they have this. the fact that millions of republicans are trying to elect a racist as president shows the people do need a little help making better decisions for themselves. this is a piece of information that i will use in my defense. in fact, just think about it,
just think about it. yeah, we lose some control, and there is no democracy, but that kind of unsolicited guidance that parties are providing voters with, wouldn't it be cool if we had that in everyday life? ♪ ♪ >>ive going to wear this tonight. what do you think, honey? >> yeah, that's good. maybe you can try this on for size? >> i'll have the strip steak. >> i'll have the rizotto, please. >> great choices. now both have the halibut. >> actually, i think we're fine-- >> this will be a little bit healthier, trust me. >> more water, please. >> not exactly the party's position. let me get in there and show you how it's done. oh, yeah, that's it. oh, that's it. yup, yup. oh, yeah! who's your daddy! >> maybe we should vote
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( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." you know, every day we're reminded of how terrible it would be to be ruled over by a self-financed melting jack-o'-lantern, and republican leaders know this better than anyone. the only problem is that the candidate with the best chance of beating trump is this guy. >> look at ted cruz. he is now at 53% unfavorability. that is the highest unfavorability that he has seen throughout this campaign. he is growing more unpopular by the day. >> trevor: yeah. and it's been this way his entire life. in fact, in fact, when ted cruz was born, he was voted the worst baby in the maternity ward. ( laughter ) ( applause ) there was something insincere about the way he breast fed. laugh but the big question is why do people hate ted cruz so much? and the truth is, there's a multitude of reasons. i mean, it could be because he paint gun control measures as a
plot to steal everyone's guns while they sleep. or maybe they hate him because he wants special patrols for muslims neighborhood or because he supports an abortion ban with no exception for rape and incest. or maybe it's because he's the zodiac killer. you never know what it would be could be. now, ted cruz knows how much people don't like him. which is why last night he decided to participate in a cnn town hall to show his personal side, and, naturally, this made things worse. >> "the godfatherrer" all three-- >> you liked the third godfather. i nevermet anyone who liked the third god father. >> everybody else hated it. i thought it was a wonderful culmination? >> trevor: really, "godfather iii," the movie everyone agrees is the worst godfather? the credits from the second god
father is better than "godfather iii." saying you like "godfather iii" is like saying, "you know what my favorite part of sex is? the part where you take off the condom and flush it down the toilet?" mmm-mmm. it's what sex is all about." with ted cruz, it's not only his bad taste in movies that make him unlikable. he's also a liar. in fact, healize so much, even his eight-year-old daughter is sick of it. just watch in this clip how she called him out last night. >> they have karaoke machines they got for christmas. they both have matching karaoke machines and it is a little frightening with the two of them singing taylor swift together. >> we don't sing together. >> that's true. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: "we don't sing together, dad. lie all you want about mexicans but don't drag my karaoke ( bleep ) into this!" ( laughter ) why don't they get her to moderate debates?
( laughter ) just look how she shuts him down. she is like, "that is not what happens." and he went, "that's true." ( laughter ) i've never seen ted cruz-- but ted cruz approaches a possible nomination, a lot of americans are grappling daily with the idea of what it would be like to live with ted cruz as president. and what may be the most alarming clue comes from the person who knows more than most. >> when i married ted, we got back from our honeymoon and he went off to the store and came home by himself and i was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of campbell's chunky soup. ( laughter ) >> trevor: who is this man? 100 cans of soup. ted cruz went out to the store and bought 100 cans of soup. i don't-- i don't think you
understand. i don't think-- i don't think you understand-- this-- this is 100 cans of soup. i can hide behind the soup. this is-- this is so creepy. just think about this. the first thing you do after your honeymoon subuy a carload of chunky soup. what happened on the honeymoon? and why does anybody buy this much soup? what, are you taking a bath in it? what are you doing with this much soup? how do you-- how do you even keep a straight face while checking out? you're at the checkout counter, and i bet ted cruz is the kind of guy who goes to the 10 items or less line and tries to justice it. i can see him standing there, "well, now, you have to understand, this here is one soup. it's only one item. even though there are 100 of them, it is the same soup under god's eye." i'm sorry, but buying this much soup at one time is disqualifying. anyone who thinks it's acceptable to buy this much soup at the same time cannot be president. ted cruz, you have to choose.
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>> trevor: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is a comedian and the host of a new cnn docu-series called "united shades of america." >> the klan to me is just a tool to reach people. i feel that it gets the biggest bang for the buck. >> okay. >> and that's why i joined the klan. >> uh-huh. >> but my personal belief, okay, is that black people cannot maintain law and order on their own. >> really? >> that's my personal belief. >> and why do you think that is? >> white people have a-- have an inner drive for discipline and law and order. >> all white people? >> no, not all white people some are really trash. ( laughter ). >> trevor: please welcome w. kamau bell!
welcome to the show, my friend. >> thank you, sir. thanks for having me. >> trevor: what do you mean,"thanks for having me?" you had me on your show before anybody knew who i was. it was totally biased, a fun show, really cool. and now you're doing something very different. >> yes, i am. i left that show and said i need to hang out with the ku klux klan. >> trevor: how bad was that experience? >> i'm alive, it was great, it was awesome. i'm here talking to you about it so it all worked out. >> trevor: this is a cool show. it's like anthony bourdain, instead of sampling food around world, you sample racism around america. >> i'll take racism. very specific here. >> trevor: why would you go and meet with the klan?
like, why-- okay, let's start at the beginning. why would the klan agree to meet with you? >> this is america. everybody wants to be on tv, it turns out, you know, from the kardashians to the klan. everybody wants to get out there. so i think they think they're going to sell their message. i got an e-mail from one of them. he's excited about the show coming out. ( laughter ) he's like, "i hope you didn't make us look too bad." >> trevor: how do you make the people-- you don't have have to do anything. >> you go ta-da! yeah, yeah, yeah. >> trevor: you went to a cross burning as well. i was just like you're going too far. so-- >> you sound like my mom now. >> trevor: yeah, in africa, you always want to die in a way where your family will cry at your funeral. that's what we say. die in a way that the people will cry for you. and if i died because i went to a ku klux klan, like the question everyone would ask is, "but what was he doing there?"
you were at a cross burning. >> i'm thinking about my family. my thought was like if i go hang up on the with the klan, that's a good idea to get people to watch the show. if die, that show is a hit. my family is rich forever. you know what i'm saying in. >> trevor: really? ( applause ) >> i'm thinking aboutif about m. i'm thinking about my kids. i have to get them this college and stuff. >stuff. >> trevpr:the kids are going to be like i'm glad i'm in college. "do you have a student loan?" "no, my father died." it is on cnn as well. >> it is. >> trevor: it's technically a comedy show. it is a come dee show. so basically, cnn has gone we're done with the unintentional comedy, we're going with the real-- is that what happened here? >> no comment. >> trevor: you know where the bread is. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. got anything to say about comedy central? >> trevor: it's a wonderful place to work. i mean, that's the-- that's the weird thing about the news and the world. people will go "the daily show."
and the news people are like we're going to make some comedy. >> the daily-- cnn have like bourdain and these are all people i used to watch and i'd be fans of theirs. so i'm excited to be. and i have to take the brand one step further. bourdain can go to the beach and eat tacos and relax. i have to go hang out with the klan. >> trevor: in the stories you're make regular you trying to change these people's points of view? are you trying to show them a different side? are you going, "hey, man, we could be friends. i could change your life." >> i just went in there to sort of experience the thing. i am curious about the klan. i had questions, and also to sort of-- i believe in the power of awkward conversation to initiate change. if people sort of shut up and listened to other people to talk, and say this is making me uncomfortable. i live in the bay area so everybody-- i know from hanging out with those guys by the time
i left, especially with the cross burning, i was there for four hours. we had to wait for it to get dark. i never wanted it to get dark so bad in my life. and by the time it was over, a couple of those dudes liked me. >> trevor: what's funny about the situation is that the clapp has to wait for it to get dark. >> oh, irony. >> trevor: they need the dark. >> they need the clark. >> trevor: so they liked you by the end? did you like them? >> we had easy conversations. >> trevor: did you like them? >> i liked one of them. i think we had, like air, whole ed norton-guy torey history history "x" thing like you're folding laundry, black people aren't so bad. i'm sure one of them went to bed and was like, "i think i like a black guy now. what happened?" >> trevor: i am picturing you at home, every time you fold the sheets, "oh, billy. oh, billy. all the memories." i mean, the klan is going to be a great episode, obviously to watch. what are the other episodes?
what are the craziest things you have done in the series? >> after i did klan, i said where should we go next? i went to prison. i spent a week in san quentin. the scariest thing is can i leave at the end of the week? black men in prison they tend to like to collect us there. too soon, too soon? >> trevor: no, it's been, like air, week now. >> i spent time with cops in camden, new jersey. >> trevor: in what way did you spend time with them owhich side? >> not being arrested side. they were doing the whole thing with community policing. we have to have more awkward conversations, reach across the aisle and figure out a way to get along in this united states of america. >> trevor: the stand-up, when is the special? >> april 29, called "semiprominent negro." >> trevor: on showtime? >> on showtime. >> trevor: is there can theyi
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these big goofy-looking-- >> underwear. >> underwear. >> and that was on videotape the hole time. >> uh-oh. >> and now it's a class video that harry sending out to all the parents. >> oh, real captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) ♪ >> larry: thank you very much! such a good crowd! (cheers and applause) thursday! welcome to "th